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December 04 When genuflection becomes tedious, turn to kippers!Yes, don't start!
I know I've neglected you my fearsome oglers, and time out o'mind forsooth, but after only a year-long break and some much sought-after life happening betwixt entries, perhaps it is time to resume this load of old nonsense once again...
But first let me recount a most disturbing set of events that hath befallen any man since Attila the Hun first fell off his donkey.
It all began last Wednesday when first I laid eyes on my second-best forget-me-not. My first-best forget-me-not was out drinking and gambling in a crack house in Switzerland cutting up pictures of dogs. I'm thinking of moving him down to third-best.
Anyway, my second-best forget-me-not was smiling pleasantly in his grow-bag and lapping up the rays of the sun. Or are they particles? That, we will never know. Unless we ask Margaret Thatcher and I don't know that I can be bothered. Well, particles or not, there it was, not only basking in the sun, but also humming a tune, which, I might add, for such a small flower is no easy task. It was humming the love theme from 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' which being only 30 microseconds long, consisted, to the untrained ear, of but one note.
Now who am I to be critical of my second-best forget-me-not when times are cold and the weather is hard? But today was no ordinary day. It was the 22nd of February - last Wednesday the 22nd of February, which was 2006 for those of you too lazy to work it out. Shame on you!
Anyway, the week before this 22nd of February I had decided to take a holiday in Paris, Texas and to my absolute surprise, when I checked in to Ol' Zeke's Motel I was beset by a gentleman sporting a face made of another man's face and he did smite me with his chainsaw and lop off the only head to which I have become rather attached. And so my second-best forget-me-not's humming was in very poor taste.
So I burned him to death. He's still not said sorry. |
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